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November 24, 2004

I just got a notice of my ten year high school reunion in my inbox today. It is a very strange feeling. So much has happened in the past ten years, that I never planned, that it seems, in many ways, like it has been more than ten years since high school. At the same time, we all, I believe, would like to evade aging, so from that aspect, it seems impossible that it could already be ten years ago. I sporadically keep in touch with only a couple of my high school friends. However, I do recall my high school years with nostalgia. Even though I was very shy and had a small core of friends and wasn’t a big socializer, so much takes place during those years. Things that change who you will become and how you will relate to things–your first love(s), exposure to different music and lifestyles, and even education! Though I would never want to repeat those years, I remember them with an awkward fondness. I think of my old friends and acquaintances reasonably often. I wonder how many people even remember me. Did I impact anyone during those four years? I can think of several people who are indelibly etched into my mind. And although I made a promise to a friend named Lisa at the end of our senior year, I don’t think I can seriously plan on attending. Planning these things when you will have a 3 month old baby at that time is tricky.

Now onto more immediate and worrying things. I went in for my regular monthly appointment with my midwife today. She was going over the result of the ultrasound, because they measure everything. She told me that the baby’s kidneys are slightly enlarged and that will have another ultrasound in 6 weeks to make sure they are functioning well. I didn’t have any questions at the time, because I didn’t really know what to think. She didn’t make it sound like a big deal and I didn’t know what to ask. Then on the way home I started wondering if maybe something like my diet or anything I was doing could have caused enlarged kidneys. And thinking maybe I should have asked more questions. Then I got home and did a little internet research. Googling enlarged fetal kidneys brings up some really, really scary things. Things like spontaneous abortion, renal failure, dialysis–the list goes on. Then I started wondering if my midwife should have been so laid back. After all, this is my baby, not hers. She isn’t going to spend the next six weeks worrying. So, with the research under my belt and more informed questions, I called her office and left a message for her to call me back. Of course, she is incredibly busy today and tomorrow, because everybody decided that their maternity problems couldn’t wait until after Thanksgiving. So, I will wait for Nan to call me back and then maybe I can get some peace of mind to deal with the holidays. Please send good thoughts and prayers to our baby’s kidneys.

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